Chris McLean's Mental Breakdown
by Nicki Monaz
Summary: The off-screen events after the campers save Chris from Ezekiel. As usual, Chef has to deal with his overdramatic boss/friend. (I imagine they've been living together for a while now, Chef dealing with his friend's drama in return for a job and nice place to stay. Plus, as annoying as he can be, he genuinely enjoys Chris' company.)


"Chris McLean does not freak out!" Chris insisted in the confessional, "I would never be afraid of that mutated freak. E-v-e-r."

What a 100th episode this day had been. Chris' big plan was ruined and he'd ended up upside down over a vat of toxic waste as revenge from Freaky Zekey. He'd even lost his hair gel! Everyone kept insisting he was scared. He only let the campers save him for good ratings. He could have done it himself.

"It's called acting, people." Chris told the camera.

He heard growling outside, just like Ezekiel.

Chris burst out of the outhouse and ran away screaming, "Aaaaaahhh!"

Unbeknownst to him, Mal stood there laughing evilly.

A few hours later, Chris rummaged through his personal freezer. Maybe he'd just imagined the growling.

"Ch-e-f!" he complained loudly.

"What is it, Chris?" the bear-sized cook stomped down the steps.

"My ice cream is gone!" Chris shot him an accusing look, "All of it!"

"I'm a stress-eater." Chef Hatchet said defensively.

"What do you possibly have to stress about?" Chris whined obnoxiously, "My hair gel is gone and I need my mint chocolate chip."

"You have hundreds more cans of hair gel." Chef rolled his eyes,"There's a stack of them in the bathroom."

"That's not the point. It takes a lot to maintain this look." Chris explained, "I'm a very pretty man. Even the sun is jealous."

"Chris McLean was beginning to admire himself in a mirror on the wall when he heard a growl. He screamed and jumped into Chef's arms.

Chef Hatchet laughed, "Scared, Chris? No need to wet your pants. That was your stomach."

"Oh." the host got down then got angry, "Zip it, Chef. I was just testing your reflexes. You're starting to get old."

"You're not so young yourself, drama queen." his friend stated.

"That's drama king, as in King of Total Drama. This king is in the prime of youth." Chris argued, glaring at him.

"Whatever you say, Chris." Chef started upstairs, "I'll make something to eat."

Chris had been jumping at every sound for the past hour. The coffee maker was not his friend. He kept giving Chef things to do that required him to stay nearby.

Chef knew this wasn't the reality TV host being overdramatic or having one of his tantrums like usual. He'd been really freaked out in that mine, even though he refused to admit it.

Chris sat on the couch sipping hot chocolate while Chef cleaned the kitchen. The host's phone rang and he jumped over the back of the couch. After Chris had realized it was his cell phone and still not answered, Chef went and picked it up off the coffee table.

"It's your mama." he said looking at the caller ID.

""I'm busy." Chris told him, returning to the couch and ignoring the spilled cocoa, wrapping a blanket around himself.

Chef sighed and answered it, knowing Chris' mother would worry if no one did, "Hello, Mrs. McLean. This is Chef Hatchet. Chris is…" he eyed the Total Drama host, "…in the middle of something…No, challenges are over for today…Sure, he's fine. Nothing to worry about…Right, got it…Yes, I'll look after him for you…He loves you too…No, problem, ma'am. Goodbye."

Chef hung up and put Chris' phone down.

"I don't need looking after." Chris insisted irritably, "I'm a grown, good-looking man."

"Of course you are. She just wants to make sure her "big, little, drama king, handsome TV star" is okay." Chef started laughing, "She wants her "baby" taken care of."

"Oh, shut it, Chef!" Chris yelled, "It's not funny!"

"Hey, whatever you say, man." his eyes were watering from laughing so hard, "I have a kitchen to organize."

Chef Hatchet went back into the kitchen and Chris McLean reluctantly went upstairs to bed.

Within twenty minutes, an ear-piercing scream came from upstairs, "Aaaaaaaahhhhh!"

Chef grabbed a meat tenderizer and ran upstairs to the source of the scream. When he got there, he found Chris sitting on his bed wearing his matching pajama shirt and pants, curled up in the fetal position and rocking back and forth, tightly clutching a teddy bear.

"Ezekiel…Growling…Coming to get me again…" the terrified Total Drama host started sucking his thumb.

Chef sighed and looked at his friend/boss. This was going to be a long night.


End file.
